The Woman in Me
by Stelena-Beautiful
Summary: Lily Walsh Snyder was my all-time favorite ATWT femme and I want to share some short stories and drabbles that I've written about her and the people in her life. Mostly unrelated... New story: "I Can't Unlove You" (Lily and Dusty).
1. Cracks (Lily, Luke - family)

**Cracks**

Premise: When Lily and Luke talk about Reid's life and untimely death, cracks begin to show in the Snyder family's formerly thought to be solid foundation.

"Lily, hurry or we're going to be late," Holden said as he slid on his shoes and looked up to see his wife staring off into space. "Lily?"

"Oh, sorry, I was just ... thinking ..." Lily said, looking over at Holden and smiling at him weakly. She reached for her jewelry box and opened it, pulling out her favorite strand of white pearls. She looped them around her neck and then went to get her high heels.

"What's on your mind?"

"Our son."

"Which one?"

"Luke. I tried to give him Noah's postcard that arrived in the mail today and he wouldn't even touch it; he looked at it like it was poisonous actually... I'm really worried about him."

"He's going through a lot," Holden said. "He will be okay though, I truly believe that."

"I want to believe that too but I - I just don't right now," Lily said as she slowly slipped into her high heels. "I mean, I tried to get him to come with us to the Metro re-opening tonight and he just shook his head and said he was busy. Busy doing what? Sitting and staring at old pictures of Reid or sleeping again? I'm really concerned about Luke."

"Lily, seriously. He needs time to grieve. Then he's going to be okay, I promise."

Lily looked at the clock on the wall. "I just want to talk to him for a little bit. You go on ahead. I'll come over afterwards..."

Holden shook his head. "Nothing can be solved tonight, Lily. But I know you, once you have your mind set on something, you don't budge." He walked over and lightly bussed her cheek with his lips. "I'll see you soon. Don't keep me waiting too long, okay?"

"Okay," Lily agreed and watched Holden walk out of their bedroom. She finished getting dressed as she heard him say goodbye to Luke and then she too walked out of the room.

She found Luke sitting on the sofa, looking at a picture of Reid, seemingly as he always did these days. She took a moment to watch her son. He looked tired and drawn even though he seemed to sleep for hours at a time. He had dark circles under his eyes and red-rimmed lids. His hair was rumpled and he was wearing old, baggy jeans and a tee-shirt that he hadn't changed out of in days.

She slowly walked over to him. "Hey, Luke," she said.

He shrugged. "I thought you and dad were going out together tonight..." The way he said it, it sounded like an accusation rather than a question or an assumption.

"We are but I wanted to spend some time with you first if that's okay." She edged over to the sofa and he scooted aside to make room for her.

"Go for it," he said sulkily.

Lily sat down beside Luke and watched him again, looking for any sign that he was willing to hear what she had to say. There was no sign though and she forgot what she had been about to tell him, all the words she had practiced simply drifted away from her mind.

She swallowed hard over a lump in her throat and then spotted the postcard at the edge of the coffee table.

"Uh, did you read Noah's postcard? He says he misses us - all of us, but especially you, Luke."

Luke said nothing, just became stiffer if that was possible. Lily sighed. "Luke, do you want to read the postcard? I mean, it says he misses you and he would like to see you again really soon."

Luke turned his head and glared at Lily. "Great, Mom, that's just freaking great. Except I don't care. Because Noah is not Reid, okay? I care about Noah, always will, but he's not Reid - I loved Reid with all my heart... And you pushing Noah on me won't change that fact."

Lily was taken aback but tried not to show it too much. "Luke, that's not what I'm trying to do -"

"Isn't it? Isn't it, Mom? You think because you moved on so lightning-fast when dad 'died', that I can just do the same? That I can just go back to Noah and pretend everything is alright?" Luke demanded. "Well I can't, I just can't!"

Lily bit her lip. This was not going well but she knew Luke needed to vent his feelings and for once, she was going to let him. "I understand you're upset, Luke -"

"Do you, Mom, because I really don't think you do! You got your happy ending with dad. How can you possibly understand?"

Lily didn't say anything as Luke barreled on. "I mean, 'Juicy Janet' got a baby with Dusty. Carly and Jack are remarried after cheating on each other like a bazillion times and Carly's pregnant again. Chris and Katie get a happy ending too and Chris gets to give Katie Reid's heart ... So you tell me how you understand, huh? Everyone got a happy ending but me and Reid and even Noah - the gay guys. If that isn't 'social justice' what is, huh?"

Lily nodded. "It's not over for you, Luke. Reid is gone, yes, but you're not. You are going to have a long life and you're going to find love again. Sometime-"

"I don't want to find love again! I found true love with Reid Oliver, okay, and he died because he had to stupidly try to outrace a damn train ..." The tears that had been building in his chest finally gave way and came streaming down his face. "Hit by a train, Mom. That's just a horrible way to die. And he died so Chris could live. How is that fair? How is that freaking understandable?"

Tears formed in Lily's own eyes. "It's not fair, Luke, I just don't want to see you suffer forever. You are a good man. No, scratch that. You're an amazing man. You don't deserve to have lost so much."

Luke dabbed at his streaming tears. "You know what's so funny? Reid would probably say I needed to just man up, buck up or whatever, and stop acting like an emotional basket case..."

"I think Reid would have understood how lost you feel, Luke, I really do."

Luke looked over at his mom. "I'm - I'm sorry for lashing out at you. I am just kind of still in shock."

Lily shook her head. "Don't apologize. You're entitled to your feelings, Luke. I always pictured you turning out a certain way but the man you are ... is far more wonderful than I could ever have imagined or dreamt..."

She held out her arms to Luke and he scooted into them, resting his head on her slender shoulder. They both cried, their tears intermingling so neither knew where their emotional release ended and the other's began.

They must have sat there for at least an hour before Luke pulled away from Lily. "Mom?"

"Yeah, son?"

"I learned a lot from Reid. But I learned even more about myself and about life from being around him. Basically, here's some unsolicited advice for you... Love with all your heart and soul, don't give up easily, and fight for your happiness."

Lily nodded. "That's the best advice, Luke. And I really want you to remember that, especially the last part. You have a right to be so happy and I hope to god you will be again really soon."

XoXoXo

Luke went to bed after his talk with Lily and she opted to stay home as well in case he needed her. She tried to call Holden and tell him she wasn't coming but she got his voicemail.

She crawled into bed at eleven-thirty p.m. and waited for him to return. He finally showed up at just after midnight, flipping on the light and staring at her accusingly almost. "You didn't show."

Lily blinked against the brightness of the lamp light. "I thought being with our son was more important."

"You could have called."

"I tried. Your phone was turned off."

"Oh. Well, you missed a nice party. Bob and Kim were the life of it actually," Holden said. "I thought about coming home when I realized you weren't coming but I got cornered by everyone and had to stay."

Lily looked at Holden and nodded. "I understand, Holden."

Holden stripped down to his boxers and crawled into bed. He kissed her cheek and then rolled over to face the wall. "Night, Lily."

"Night, Holden," she said.

She laid awake a long time listening to his soft breathing, thinking over everything she and Luke had said to each other. She understood now that Reid and Luke had had something amazing, something that was supposed to last. She wondered if she and Holden had that same kind of pure love and she honestly didn't know. That thought scared her. It scared her a lot...

FINIS


	2. Her Skin Remembers (Lily, Dusty)

**Her Skin Remembers**

_**A quick drabble.**_

Lily remembers his lips on hers, the way they explored her skin, possessed it; owned it; how rough, yet also surprisingly soft they were as they roved over her - over her cool, fragranced skin. She remembers the way his calloused fingers worked down her neck, traced circles between her breasts and went lower still.

She remembers everything. _Every little detail._ It's all etched so clearly in her mind - his sex throbbing in hers. The feeling of their fast, yet steady rhythm …

Her heart may belong to her husband but her skin remembers Dusty's touch.


	3. Consoling (Lily, Paul)

**Consoling**

They started this thing because they missed her sister. She looked like her sister; it worked for him. And when she's with him, she feels closer to her sister in every way. The way he looks at her, she can almost imagine she _is_ her sister. It's twisted and its sick, but when he's filling her up, he's also filling that emptiness in her soul. The feeling that half of herself had gone with Rose. Maybe even her whole self disappeared when Rose died. Rose had a sparkling personality, she lit up a room, and she buried herself in your heart and mind instantly with her wacky, oddball charm. Lily admired that; she wanted that for herself - to be free and happy and full of life. Instead of the boring, middle-aged housewife that she really is.

They both reach climax and he pulls out of her swiftly and expertly. Her core aches from the loss of him already, especially as he is immediately reaching for his shirt and trousers and yanking them on.

She watches him go and feels a brush of tears on her face. She can pretend to be Rose for a moment but she never really would be. She is the consolation prize and nothing more.

_**Twisted Lily and Paul drabble huh? lol**_


	4. How Strong Do You Think I Am (Lily,Jack)

_**Takes places during Colden affair!**_

**How Strong do you Think I Am?**

"Lily? _LILY?_ Open this door, right now!" Jack Snyder demanded, pounding on the knocker again and again though it all seemed to no avail.

Finally he was rearing back his leg to break down the door when suddenly it was thrown open and she was standing there, looking pale and drawn and very, very tired in every way a person could be.

"Oh my god ... You're alive," Jack said in wonderment.

"Yes. I was going to take them and then I heard your voice and ..." Her voice trailed off as a single tear crept down her cheek.

"You need to give them to me," Jack said. "And then we are going to flush them down the toilet together."

"Jack ..."

"Come on, Lily!" he snapped. "You don't need those things. They about ruined your life the first time and they cost you -"

_"Everything!"_ Lily cried. "Most especially my marriage. I know, I know. Tell me, Jack, how does it feel to find out Carly and Holden have been going at it behind our backs for weeks?"

Jack rubbed his forehead. "Don't remind me please; don't remind me of how those two are acting. I hate them right now but most especially so for breaking your heart."

Jack walked into the room and shut the door. "Now give me your stash. All of them," he said pointedly.

Lily sighed but looked resigned to it. She had picked up the pills earlier with an old prescription and Faith had seen her come into the house with them. Apparently Faith had run out and called Jack right away. Probably because she could not reach her father who was doing god knew what to Carly right now.

She walked to the kitchen and came back with a little bottle of prescription pain killers. She passed them to Jack and he eyed her warily, as if to ask if these were definitely all she had.

"That's it. That's the only bottle," she said.

"Okay. Come with me," Jack said and grabbed Lily's hand.

"You're really going to make me flush them?" Lily asked.

"Yep. One by one. And then you're going to say one thing you're thankful for that you would be tossing away if you took these."

"Jack this is ridiculous."

"Just do it, Lily," Jack said and handed the bottle back to her.

"Toss one," he commanded. "And don't forget to tell what you're -"

"Thankful for, yes, I know," Lily said and threw the first one. "My kids. I love them with all my heart and I don't want to lose them again."

One by one the pills disappeared as Jack encouraged Lily on. When there was just one left, Lily looked at Jack with a little smile. "You, Jack Snyder. I wouldn't want to give up our friendship for anything." Then she threw in the last pill and flushed the lot of them.

Jack smiled widely and instinctively reached out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I wouldn't throw you away either, Lily, not for the world. We have to be there for each other, especially now when everything feels so wrong."

Lily nodded. "Thank you, Jack, thank you so much," she said and without thinking slid her arms around his waist and embraced him.

He smiled and ran his hands through her hair as they stood there. It was a tender moment and neither wanted to break it but finally they pulled apart when they heard the door open in the living room and Faith crying out for her mom.

Lily broke away from Jack and hurried to the living room. Faith quieted a bit when she saw Lily was not alone. "Did you - did you take them, mom?" she asked.

Lily looked at Jack. "No, I didn't. Jack helped me realize everything I would be missing if I took the pills and it's not worth it." She smiled at Jack and then walked over and pulled Faith into a hug.

"Thanks, Cousin Jack," Faith said as Lily wiped away both of their tears.

"Anytime, small fry," Jack said.

"Yes, thank you, Jack, thank you so much," Lily said. "You saved me. You saved us."

Jack shook his head. "No, you did, Lily. Believe it or not, you are a lot stronger than you think you are."

He then turned and walked out leaving mother and daughter alone to contemplate that.


	5. Home Ain't Where His Heart is (Anymore)

**Home Ain't Where His Heart Is (Anymore)**

_**~ Lily's POV during the Colden affair ~**_

Lily Walsh-Snyder stared at her wedding ring as she rocked herself back and forth, back and forth, in her husband's favorite arm chair, staring out the window at the empty night sky. The phantom embers had left the stars unlit tonight, much as her life had ceased to radiate that light that used to wrap around her very body and soul and make her feel loved and wanted; desired and appreciated.

_**He knew how to reach me deep inside  
And he found a part of me I could not hide  
And we'd walk and talk and touch tenderly  
Then he'd lay me down and make love to me  
We built a love so strong and couldn't break  
There was not a road we were afraid to take**_

She could not help but remember a time not too long ago when Holden was here every night, holding her and cradling her in his arms long after they had made love. They used to steal away into the bedroom for hours and talk about everything from their hopes and their desires to their dreams and their fears. There was never a topic that was off limits to them. Now they rarely talked at all and when they did, their words were always tinged with anger and sometimes, outright venom.

She knew where he was tonight. He was with _her. _Her ex-best friend, her ex-soul sister. They had been so close for so long, had sworn to each other that nothing would ever come between them, especially a man, and they had both lied. Much like she and Holden had lied time and time again when they had promised that there would never be anyone else for them but each other.

But things had not been the same in awhile, they both had just been too stubborn to admit it.

_**But he don't feel the same  
Since our lives became  
Years of bills, babies and chains **_

She knew Holden didn't feel the same way about her anymore. He never looked at her like he used to, like the day he had looked at her when he jumped down from that hayloft and right into her aching heart and promised to heal it. They had both lied because they weren't everything to each other anymore. Not even close. She still loved him with all her heart but when did she get to walk out like he had and say "enough is enough"? She had done the wrong thing herself many times and this was karmic payback somehow, but she didn't think that she could stand the silence and the stillness and the air peppered with anger and vitriol anymore. This was her home, it was supposed to be _their_ home, and yet it was just a house made of nothing but mortar and tears now.

_**Home ain't where his heart is anymore  
He may hang his hat behind our bedroom door  
But he don't lay his head down to love me like before  
Home ain't where his heart is anymore **_

She wondered if there was some way she could make him love her again. Even as she hated and loathed herself for wanting him to do that. She wanted him to come back to her because he cared about her, not because she forced him to care. She wanted her fairytale life with Holden back, wanted to change the ending she saw coming, and yet knew she couldn't. That by holding on so tightly to what used to be; she was only driving him away more and more.

_**If foundations made of stone can turn to dust  
Then the hardest hearts of steel can turn to rust  
If he could only find that feeling once again  
If we could only change the way the story ends**_

The door opened and he was suddenly standing there. She expected to see some remorse on his face, some kind of guilt that they both knew where he had been but he showed none of that. He just hung his Stetson on the back of the door and walked further into the house, murmuring a brief, "Hello." A "hello" that was empty and hollow of any emotion or feeling. The kind of greeting that one would sling at a casual acquaintance they passed in the street - not the woman who had given you children and had been your life for so many years.

And he may still come home  
But I live here alone  
The love that built these walls is gone

Home ain't where his heart is anymore  
He may hang his hat behind our bedroom door  
But he don't lay his head down to love me like before

But dammit, didn't she deserve better than that? Didn't she? If nothing else, she was the mother of his children. Why couldn't he at least feign some feeling for her? Why, damn him, why?

She followed him into the kitchen and looked him square in the eye as he turned around to face her. "I know where you've been, Holden," she said. "I know where you have been 'sleeping' tonight - or with whom, should I say."

"Lily ..."

"No, let me talk. Please, you owe me that much."

"I owe you?" He spat, looking angry all over again. "I OWE you?! After all you've done?!"

She shook her head. "Please don't argue with me. I just want to say my piece and then you can make up your mind."

"About what?"

"Whether you want to stay or go - really go. Leave this house forever. Because I can't remain in limbo anymore. Neither can the kids. They don't deserve it. God knows, I have screwed up a million and one times at least but I am still your wife and I deserve better than this. For you to be sneaking around - no you're not even sneaking; it's blatant what you're doing - with my so-called 'best friend'. I cheated on you, and you can hate me for that forever, but I can't be like this anymore. You either stay here and make this marriage work with me by your side or you leave and don't come back."

"Nice way to issue ultimatums, Lily," he snapped.

"Holden, don't you see? I deserve better than this. The kids deserve better than what you and I are giving them. You also deserve better than this so please be straight with me now. Tell me the truth. Can we make this work or is it time to just walk away?"

He looked at her long and hard and then his expression slackened a bit. "Lily, I want to work things out for the kids at least. So I'll stay. I'll stop seeing Carly. I'll stop trying to feel whole if that's what you want."

Lily shook her head and more tears sprung to her eyes. She willed them back as she thought over his words. He had said that he would stay for the kids but could she live with that? Could she live with the angry silences and the muttered assurances of love that no longer meant anything?

She sighed. "Fine, Holden, stay," she said. "We'll work on this ... for the kids."

He nodded and she watched as he silently moved past her and headed for the bedroom. She railed at herself to take it back, to send him away, but in the end she knew that she was at a place in her life where she would crumble without him even though she had lost him long ago ...

_**He don't lay his head down to love me like before  
Home ain't where his heart is anymore  
No, home ain't where his heart is**_

_**A/N: **_Didn't you just want Lily to kick Holden's ass to the curb in this story? Lemme know your thoughts please. I would like at least one comment haha


	6. Thought You Should Know

**Thought You Should Know**

_**~ Mike's POV on Lily ~**_

He knew better than to love her. He knew better than to trust that she would ever be his. After being the loser in the game called love for such a long time, he knew when he was beat. But that didn't help his case because just passing her in the street caused desire to well up in his throat and stop his breath and all rational thought. She wasn't just beautiful. She was ... _Lily._

And yet, she was Lily _Snyder._ Another man's wife. He had played the foil in too many marriages for far too long and he didn't want to do it again but there she was, sitting across the way at her niece's wedding, holding hands with a man who neither appreciated her nor gave her his whole heart. Something Mike himself could offer her.

_**I shouldn't love you but I want to  
I just can't turn away  
I shouldn't see you but I can't move  
I can't look away**_

He tried to tear his eyes away but they wouldn't avert themselves no matter how much he wanted them to. She was so beautiful, so tranquil, so _her._ Everything he had ever wanted. He shouldn't love her the way he did but he couldn't stop.

_**I shouldn't love you but I want to  
I just can't turn away  
I shouldn't see you but I can't move  
I can't look away**_

The wedding finished with him hardly even noticing it and it was time for the reception. He had come stag, wondering why he had come at all when he had no one to really talk to. All his exes were with other men; his friend Henry was wrapped up in his new, very pregnant wife, and his other conquests had ceased to be a part of his life in any form. And he was oddly okay with that as long as he could see _her_ across the crowd.

He watched Holden move away from Lily and go to talk to a group of his friends. A group that included Carly Snyder. Mike shook his head, wondering how much more blatantly obvious Holden could make it that Lily was not the one in his heart anymore. Maybe Mike should ask him for his advice - ask him how you stopped loving a woman as wonderful as Lily but he didn't dare get close to Holden or he would surely attack him.

Instead he moved across the garden and over to _her. _Even though his mind screamed at him to stop. Halt. Don't pass go. Leave her alone. But his heart though ... that was an entirely different matter altogether. He didn't know how to resist her even when she resisted him. He didn't know how to stop feeling like she was his world and he could drown in her.

_**And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not  
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop**_

"Hey," he said in a soft voice, coming to stand by her at the dessert table. She was absent-mindedly playing with the remains of a strawberry torte.

She looked up at him and offered a weak smile. "Hey ..."

"It's ... uh, a nice wedding," he said lamely.

She nodded. "Yes it is."

Then to his surprise, she reached out and fingered the collar of his white pressed shirt. "Do you want to go somewhere - somewhere we can be alone?"

He about choked on his own spittle. She was propositioning him. That had never happened before. All of their trysts had been initiated by him. He knew that he should say "no" and "go back to your unfaithful, bastard husband" but he can't manage it. He doesn't want to say it.

"Sure ... Where do you want to go?"

She shrugged. "Anywhere. It doesn't matter anymore."

He nodded, accepting that for what it was for the moment. Accepted that he's the band-aid on a gaping, messy, oozing wound.

They made it to her car before she was all over him, clinging to him, kissing him, fondling him. He could feel her need, her want to be appreciated and loved, her desperation as surely as he can feel her hand on the waistband of his rented tuxedo trousers.

He thought he could go with along with this at first. That he could be what she really needed even for the moment. God knew, he _wanted_ to be. His heart raced, his pulse sung, his blood hummed as she trailed needy, desperate kisses down his torso.

_**Just so you know  
This feeling's taking control of me  
And I can't help it  
I won't sit around; I can't let him win now  
Thought you should know  
I've tried my best to let go of you  
But I don't want to  
I just gotta say it all  
Before I go  
Just so you know**_

He wanted to win for once. He wanted to believe he is hers and she is his for keeps. He doesn't want the other man to win, to steal what's left of her soul and trample all over it. But he knew better. She was connected to Holden in a way that they never will be.

He stays her hand on his arm. "Lily," he murmured.

She looked up at him and actually sighed. "Yes?"

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

She nodded quickly, too quickly. "Of course I do. I'm here, aren't I?"

"Are you? Are you really? Because I am thinking your heart and your mind are back in that garden with your husband."

"Mike ..." She said. "You can love me for now. Isn't that enough?"

He shook his head and disentangled himself from her embrace, starting to rebutton his shirt and pants. "It's not enough, Lily. It's not enough because I want so much more than you can or want to give. I want all of you but Holden already has you in his corner. You want Holden. You want to hurt him by being with me too. But I don't ... I don't want to be played. Even as much as I would like nothing more than to be with you in every way right now I can't play second fiddle or be your second choice."

_**It's getting hard to be around you  
There's so much I can't say  
Do you want me to hide the feelings  
And look the other way**_

He climbed out of the car and she followed after him. "Mike, where are you going?"

"Lily, I care about you. Hell, I love you but you don't feel the same way and I am not going to be some pathetic hanger-on."

"You're not pathetic," she said, reaching for his arm again. "Why don't you just stay with me for awhile?"

"I don't want you for now only, Lily, I want you always and if you can't give me that, then I have to walk away. Because I can't be around you if I can't have all of you." His words were trite and pedestrian but they were the only ones he could think of right then and they were all true.

He turned and walked away, even as he heard her calling after him, he kept walking, not sure where he was going but willing to walk a million miles if it meant he can stop craving her in his very veins .

_**And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not  
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop**_

_**Note: **_I was the biggest Mike and Jennifer fan around when Mark Collier was in the part; but after Jennifer was dead and they recast Mike with Jon Prescott, I could totally see him with Noelle's Lily. P.S. I loved Noelle and Martha's Lily's equally. Hard to believe but true.


	7. I Can't Unlove You (Lily, Dusty)

**I Can't Unlove You**

"Hello, Dusty," she said as she knelt down on the cold, wet grass. "I don't know exactly what I'm doing here but I felt like I should come …You know, that I needed to be here even if Holden gets angry about it. Which he will. He wants me to forget you. To just move on and put you in the past where you belong …

"But you see; it's just not that easy. I have tried. Believe me; I've tried so hard to forget you. To pretend you never existed. I mean, god I even thought about killing you for a millisecond. Hell, I thought I did for awhile there. But it's hard when someone has been a part of your life for such a long time the way you have. To put everything in the past, I mean, to really let go. Especially now. Especially when I'm … pregnant with your baby … Maybe, possibly. Holden keeps reminding me that the paternity test hasn't come back yet, that he could easily be the father of this little boy or girl growing inside me. But god, god, I wish it could be yours. Yes, I know that makes me sound so bad. I have a wonderful husband who wants to work things out with me even after all the crap I pulled on him and I am wishing the dead man, my extramarital ex-lover, is my baby's father. Really there are no words for my stupidity and if mother heard me talking this way, well, you know she'd kill me too. We'd be in the same graveyard right now …"

For the first time she noticed tears rolling down her face and setting down the flowers she had brought, she wiped the tears away as fast as she could but more and more kept coming so quickly that it became a useless exercise in futility. Like her life was beginning to feel. She knew she should be happy. Like she had told Dusty's rotting body, she had a great husband, one who was willing to look past all her flaws and forgive her for what she had done to hurt him again and again and yet her mind or her heart or whatever it was ... made it impossible to let go of the idea that she should be raising this baby with Dusty.

She leaned down and pressed a kiss into her wet palm, then laid it against the hard granite stone of his grave marker. "Dusty, you shouldn't have gone and died on me. You should be alive and well. You should be here with me, telling me what to do, loving me and needing me the way only you can. You broke us when you died. You broke me and dammit, you don't even care, do you? Because wherever you are you are probably happy and content while leaving behind a mess of destruction in your exiting path. I should hate you alone for that. I really, really should. But I don't. I can't. Because … because I can't unlove you …"


End file.
